They may be dreadlocked driving stinky old cars filled with placards screaming the demo chant of the day, pony tailed, earnestly pedalling ‘sit up and beg bicycles’ with little baskets on the front, or even expensively coiffed and clad in the designer de jour. No matter the trappings or the coiffure of choice, sub-species ‘Homo Hypocrita Effundo’ (HHE) is readily identified by certain distinguishing features:
The facial features are characterised by a marked frown of perpetual dissatisfaction, the furrows of which have been known to deepen at the merest hint of dissent with the creature’s (often) eccentric or ill-founded utterings.
The nose is decorated with the benignly termed ‘bunny lines’ . Etched on either side, these wrinkles are directly related to the constant sneer of disapproval and are also found in the sub-species ‘Homo Nasus Parkus’ (HNP).
The thin-lipped mouth is ‘cat’s bum’ shaped in repose and purses further outwards prior to making utterance. Occasionally the thin lips will stretch into a smirk but a genuine smile is anatomically impossible. Over-production of poisonous saliva forming spittle and froth is also common and has been likened to the pre-implosion state of the Malaysian ant.
The eyes of HHE are often bulbous and blood-swollen not unlike a horned lizard.
The complexion is generally sallow or grey tinged with a tendency to extreme floridity when roused to indignation – a state HHE experiences with alarming regularity. In this state, anthropologists have found distinct similarities between the personal slime production of the HHE and the Hagfish.
The queritor call of the HHE is high pitched with a distinct whine. When in groups, this creates a cacophony that can drown out the cries of those suffering disease, starvation, torture and dislocation in the hands of HHE. The whine is one of the HHE’s natural forms of attack and defence and is regularly exhibited against those with the temerity to disagree with the or resist the demands of the HHE.
At this point, it is worth mentioning the distinctly primitive cruentus saevio formed hand of this sub-species; held naturally in either a fist evolved over time from persistent and rage-fuelled threatening gestures and grasping of placards. The index finger of the other hand is generally extended and positioned close to the face, or prodding the chest of those it deems a threat.
Habitat:
HHE can be found in large groups, often in the company of the equally unevolved sub-species ‘HNP’, Both are located easily by the cacophony of whines and the inevitable disturbance caused by the physical and verbal bullying of non-HHE who are going about their daily lives.
The HHE is loud, intrusive, demanding and violent and openly advocates violence toward non-HHE.
What The **** Were They Thinking? 